Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Our Miracle

On November 10th, our lives changed forever because the precious gift that we had been waiting for made his arrival. Because my angel is sleeping, I wanted to share our journey with you.

In July 2013 we started infertility treatments after 11 months of trying to get pregnant on our own. Dr. Harper ran several blood tests and I was diagnosed with having an ovulatory dysfunction. We tried 3 different pills to get me to the point of ovulation and it took 6 weeks. Crazy huh? After that first cycle and no pregnancy, Dr. Harper wanted me to start injections. I remember being terrified walking into Huntsville Hospital to purchase the vials and not knowing how much we were going to pay. As Chris and I were walking out I remember looking at him and crying. We were walking out of the hospital with $1600 worth of medicine that would only last a month. The plus? We only paid $160. That night I cried again. I was breaking down because I was scared of giving myself a shot in the tummy. My patients won't think twice when I have to give them shots but I break down (what was going through my head.)

The shots continued and still no pregnancy. In November, I went back to HH again. Not to purchase medication but for an HSG (they inject dye into your cervix and it spills out of the fallopian tubes. If there is a blockage it opens it and usually you get pregnant quicker.) We ended up having the egg and sperm meet, but they didn't implant. Most women have this happen and they don't know but because of the fertility monitoring we knew. It killed me and satan attacked harder. Chris kept reminding me of the promises God had given us. In December we tried the first iui (intrauterine insemination.) Basically how it works is I continue the shots until by blood work and ultrasound I'm favorable for ovulation. Then I do another shot to trigger ovulation and we perform the procedure ($300.) You then wait 2 weeks and take a test. It's nerve-wracking. December and January resulted in negative tests. February was our last scheduled iui. If we weren't pregnant, we were going to meet with Dr. Harper and talk about more advanced measures. Chris was leaving for San Francisco for a week at the end of that month too.

I begged Chris to let us stop. I couldn't take it anymore. No more shots or disappontment. We even started looking through adoption agencies to decide where we wanted to begin. I'm so thankful that my husband is the incredible leader of our house that he is. He wouldn't let us stop. He never gave up hope. The iui was scheduled for the 26th of February.  My 24th birthday was the 23rd. Do you know what happened? I got pregnant before the iui.

My lab work was soaring each time it was taken. We were told to expect multiples at 4 1/2 weeks pregnant. At 6 weeks, we had our first ultrasound and at 7 weeks we heard Isaiah's heartbeat for the first time. All I could do each time was cry. My promise was being fulfilled.

Now we have a perfect 3 week old little boy whom we love dearly. He is already so strong and determined. We can't wait to see what God does in his precious life.

Infertility is not the path I would have chosen but now it's one I'm very thankful for. It strengthened my relationship with God and our marriage. It taught me to have more grace with those that didn't understand and said something I took personally. I learned that I wasn't a failure. God doesn't make those. I'm the daughter of the king.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Hear Me Roar

Have you heard Katy Perry's song "Roar?" If not, I want you to listen to it. And I mean, really listen to it.

Katy Perry-Roar

My sweet Nanny always gives the best gifts. What could be better than an Amazon gift card, right? I had no idea what I wanted this year, but there were 3 KP songs that I just loved. My CD came in Thursday afternoon. I couldn't wait for my ride to work Friday morning to be able to listen to it. Little did I know what would happen in less than 12 hours. I know that some of you know that Chris and I are going to a reproductive endocrinologist because of issues I have with getting pregnant. I was supposed to take a test this coming Monday, but needless to say, that is no longer necessary. As I walked to the garage yesterday for work,my walk was not the happy one I thought it was going to be. Instead it was filled with me fighting tears and praying to God to give me strength to get me through the day and still be a great nurse to my patients.

The first song on the CD just happens to be "Roar." This is where God stepped in. Thank you, Father, for reminding me how beautiful Your promises are! With every storm you face, satan tries to come in and lie to you, and he knows exactly what to say to punch you in the stomach, make you hide away from the world, steal your joy, take your hope, but it is ALL A LIE!

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready 'cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar

I am finished being silent. Satan is going to hear me roar. My God loves me so much, and He knows how much of a camel I am that He showed me something. I haven't share this with many people, but I'm going to.

Chris and I met with Dr. Harper June 27th for our consultation. At this point, I was lifting a little weight (more body weight stuff than anything) and I was running really well again. I was told that I was no longer able to do that anymore. Basically all I could do was walk and swim. Test #1 from God, and I've made it. So, to get to my point...go ahead and get your tissues...A beautiful morning in July, I was walking the neighborhood and something incredible happened. God gave me my first ever vision. I was looking through my eyes and I was immediately on 5th floor at Decatur General surrounded by my old Women and Children co-workers. I didn't see a lot of faces, but I did see one- Chris N, our LPN, who had told me later that she had a dream about me that I'll share later. Chris N came up and I saw her touch my pregnant belly. After that I just saw hands keep coming up and touching my abdomen and I could feel love and joy. When the vision ended and I was looking back at the house at the end of the road, I was crying and in shock. I called my precious husband and immediately explained everything and asked how I knew the difference between a vision and me just wanting something so badly that I made myself see it. It was backed up in the Word.

Weeks after this dream, Chris N came to work and told me that she had had a dream about me. She was holding my firstborn, a daughter. Now it gets better, 2 weeks ago she came to me with another dream about me- boy/girl twins. So for all that follow me on Pinterest and saw all of those pins, this is why.

I don't blame God for this and I'm not mad at Him. That doesn't mean that sometimes I don't stomp my foot because I don't understand, because I do, but I don't think that I would have all of this happen if He wasn't trying to comfort me and show me His love and promise for me. I cannot wait to share with you all that we're parents, and I know deep down that it's coming. Not by adopting or fostering, but my having a child(ren) grow inside me, and I can't tell you how excited I am for my new home (Labor and Delivery) to be there with Chris and me the day for them to come into the world.

Whatever you're facing, I know that God has GREAT, incredible, wonderful, tremendous plans for you. He turns the most awful things into something beautiful. The storms that we face make us stronger each and every day. They help us to deepen our roots into His word and truth. I love you all very much, and I can't wait to hear you ROAR!